I'm not sure how many years ago it was that I was sitting at my desk in my home office in San Jose and I'd gotten the phone call that said you'd had a heart attack. Actually, several heart attacks. And you died. Then came back to life. Died again. Then came back...for good this time.
I might forget the actual date, but I will never forget the feeling of hearing that news. All time froze. I froze. To imagine a world without you in it was/is impossible. I was overwhelmed with sadness and disbelief. I called your wife who was so brave and so kind. Always so kind to me. She told me that she'd urged them to use TPA...I think I remember that correctly. Her suggestion saved your life.
The anniversary of your first death is this weekend. It's been ages since we've talked. I don't want to say December when I was in Denver buying my house was the last time we spoke real-time, but I think it might be. For sure I've left you voicemails since then, but we've never spoken since then. You're really busy, I know. Or at least that's what I tell myself when I don't hear back from you.
The couple of emails have been nice and greatly appreciated. Better than nothing, so I'll take them.
Stuff's been going on lately that takes me back to the issue that swirled around us right after high school graduation...the timeframe that I call 'the beginning of the end'...maybe that's the dramatic side of me coming out, but for me it was the end of what we'd had together for quite a long time. And without giving away too many details, the feelings I experienced then are back with me...didn't like then then, equally hate them now. But at least it's making me think of you, so that's a good thing. Always gotta find a silver lining.
So I've been thinking about decisions that were made back then and how they affected so many people. One of my close friends is making the same type of life changing decisions you once made, and it looks like he's going down the same road you traveled. Scares the hell out of me for his sake. It's hard when you share experiences of what a faulty decision can do, and your advice is ignored. You see the writing on the wall and it scares the crap out of you...but they can't see it...or maybe refuse...or maybe think their situation will be 'different'. Yeah, maybe.
So this is for you, my dearest of dear friends that I haven't spoken with in too many months. Happy second-go-round at life.
I'm glad you're still with us and I hope you'll be with us for many many more years. And it would really be nice to talk with you one day soon. It's your birthday, but my birthday wish.