Until that day comes, however, we have people like Ken Starr who try to dictate how people should live and love.
Ken Starr, why do you hate love?
"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.
This post by Gabrielle Reece aka who I'd like to be in my next life, seems more appropos to a New Year's Eve post.
Be that as it may, it's 2:34 in the morning and I can't sleep so rather than wait until New Year's Eve, this is coming at you now.
A lot of what Gabby has to say rings a bell with me. For the most part, I've gotten good at identifying the inner workings of my mind and body and how they hold me back or propel me forward. Have I been 100% authentic in recognizing and dealing with those things or thoughts or beliefs that might be or are holding me back. Nope. I could say who has, but this is about me and not anyone else.
I've come to realize in the last year that I can take being authentic to a new level of what I call brutal honesty. Talking about being honest on the quality and quantity of what is happening in my life.
Honesty to me is HUGE and if it came to someone lying to me to spare my feelings or being 100% honest with me, I'd go for the honesty in a heartbeat. No matter how much it hurt. My fallback being of course that no one or no thing can come close to hurting me as much as my separation and divorce hurt me. Not that I am not vulnerable...I am very much so...but I would say my bounce-back-ability has a pretty quick turnaround time.
I guess my perceived fear is that I tend to see things as all or nothing. In several areas of my life I border on obsessive, ie. cleanliness, loyalty, follow up, being there for my friends. The areas I would like to improve in are personal fitness and work-related areas.
In the past there have been three times I can think of where I was 100% committed to a healthy exercise regimen.This last time was right before I bought my house in early 2004. Results were achieved, I was approaching 'ripped' status and the stronger I got the more obsessed and some would say meaner I got. All I cared about was working out 6 days a week. I used to stare at my biceps about 20 times a day, amazed at how strong they'd become. I had wanted results, I was getting results, and I wanted more. People at work were starting to not recognize me...in a good way!!
Who knows what would have happened if a rotator cuff issue hadn't sidelined me for 12 weeks. After that, I lost my edge, got lazy even tho I was in Rehab and once Rehab finished I wound up not seeing the inside of a gym for 2 years.
All or nothing.
Normally I make birthday resolutions as opposed to New Year's resolutions. Most of the time I achieve at least 75% or better. Last year's resolutions were pretty straightforward.
Buy a house. Paint/tile/trick out said house. Get to work from home. Force myself to get out and meet 30 people by the end of the year. Lose 30#.
A year and a week later, I'm proud to say I accomplished all of those goals. Yay me.
Am also thinking, ok, if you did that, how else can you challenge yourself this year.
Which brings me back full circle to Gabby's post.
I have done great in many areas. I need to do greater. Plain and simple.
And in order to move forward, I have to determine what is holding me back.
Any specific thoughts you might have for me on this one, feel free to share via comments or private email. Remember, your feedback can't hurt me. Neener, neener!
And what about you? What is holding you back? What does that voice deep down inside say as you try to stifle or ignore it?
It's time to let the voice speak up. At least for me the time is now. Maybe for you as well?
Busy night tonite.
Bought a gazebo after work. Originally $199 or so I thought. Went to pay for it and when Tyson the check-out guy said the total was $172, I told him he had undercharged me. He smiled, then advised me it was on a special 'in-store' sale. Then thanked me for being honest. Nothing to thank me for...it's all about karma. Do good and good comes back to you.
Since the gazebo box is huge, my buddy T is bringing it over to my house today after work.
Last night was the weekly Apple class. Dragged T along with me since I'd convinced him to get an Apple not too long ago. Learned how to download pix from my camera and a couple other nifty tricks.
Towards the end of my class, my one-on-one guy was getting frustrated with me. He was trying to show me all these 'shortcuts'. Control this, control that. I don't do controls. That crap is for PC's. I use a stupid PC for work. I prefer drag and drop. That's why I have a mac.
I told him nicely thru out the night that I appreciated what he was trying to teach me, but it was not what I came there to learn and he was basically wasting our time. His response?
'You seem to be the type of girl that knows what she wants and zeros in on it...nothing stands in your way'. Yep....that's a fair assessment. Then he suggested I try another teacher next week. When I playfully asked him if my anal-retentive-control-freak ways were getting to him, he just smiled.
Gee, all he had to do was to listen to his customer, ya know?
Speaking of customers...I am dreading a 2 hour conference call later on today. Not dreading the call itself. For conference calls, I use the landline in my bedroom, get comfy on my bed and blog and surf while listening quietly...speaking rarely, if at all. Good times.
For tomorrow, however, we've been asked to come up with ways that we could be 'more helpful' to our clients...and make the whole sales process more efficient overall. OK, we have had this type of 'brainstorming' session 3 times in the last 4 years. Every time, I give my ideas...radical as they might be ie' can we focus on quality over quantity'? Every time, our suggestions are ignored.
So why is this time any different? Who knows.
So I am torn with coming up with THE EXACT SAME THINGS I SAY ALL THE TIME or just telling them what they think they want to hear. And of course, when push comes to shove, I will have to stay true to myself and be honest with what I think they could improve on...then once again I will be viewed as the 'radical' with the wacky ideas.
I feel like Charlie Brown lining up to kick the football.
Will Lucy pull it up at the last second?
Who knows. Probably. But maybe not?
Seems every time I go to King Sooper, they play an announcement of a smarmy-voiced woman urging shoppers to donate money to families that have newborns that may not have the financial resources to care for a new baby.
What the fuck?
Common sense suggests if you can't afford to have a kid, you shouldn't rely on the kindness of random shoppers to subsidize a gift basket for your 'new addition'.
this article cracks me up.
Granted, my own perspective is who in their right mind would WANT to have kids? Have felt this way since I was 8 and saw how hard my parents worked their butts off to have the 5 kids they always dreamed of having. If ya want kids, can support them financially, emotionally and mentally, and dream of the day when you can be a dad or a mom, go for it. If you have the slightest hesitation, don't even go there, cause the kid is the one that will suffer the most.
It's no surprise that being 'childless by choice' is on the rise.
Tried to explain this to my buddy M the other night. He was trying to convince me (very unsuccessfully, I might add) that I should lift my self-imposed ban on dating guys with kids. I tried repeatedly to get him to see my point...that anyone with kids in their life is a heart-beat away from having them full-time...and not just until they are 18....more like mid-20's in most cases, if not longer.
I know what I want in life and from life, and settling isn't an option...never will be. I love being an aunt and adore my friends kids...but having one of my own would be a fate worse than death.
As the article says...thank goodness for free will and birth control.
Of course, the religious right (a misnomer if there ever was) are trying to erode those rights on a daily basis. But that is another post for another day.