Rocket's Red Glare

A surprisingly true story...


Rocket's red glare is what he sought
So off to the store he went and bought
Bottle rockets that were sold to him
"Stuff to blow up" he thought with a grin.

But where to shoot them to get the most
Bang for his buck screw the cost
He scratched his head and thought real hard 
Bingo, I think I'll try the back yard

Rocket #1 went off with a bang
The colors were awesome, the rocket sang
But bothersome neighbors he didn't want
Should he reconsider his rockety thoughts?

The front yard he knew had tons of appeal
He'd do it right quick so no one would squeal
#2 went airborne, oh shit, too loud
Inside to regroup, away from the crowd.

One rocket was left, he needed to send it
But where would that be? And how would he end it?
He didn't know how or what or where to
So he retreated upstairs to ponder in his loo.

Out the window?  No, then it'd be too loud
He pondered some more
And then he looked down
Into the sink
Which made him think
WATER..that might muffle the sound?

He mind careened ideas spewed forth
Minimize the danger, corral the force
Try this idea, hey, it might work
If not, who cares, I'll end up the jerk

He grabbed the rocket, lifted the lid
Of the toilet seat and stuck the thing in
Yeah, bottle rocket stuck in the pot
You really think I'd make this stuff up?

He lit the tail then stood back and waited
Before long the water evacuated
Out of the toilet and on the ceiling
The floors, the wall, his mind was reeling

The toilet gurgled then went quiet
Then started the noises that made his heart quit
Deep in the base of the toilet thingy
"What have I done' he started thinking

When all was said and done, dear readers
A useless toilet was his for keepers
It could have been much worse he knew
The house coulda been blown to Timbuktu
But it wasn't and all he had to show for it
Was a toilet where you could not take a shit

No lives were lost & for this he was grateful
And when he told his mom, she wasn't hateful
He needed to own it and this he did
And he swears he'll never again open the lid
To the toilet and deposit harmful explosives
Lessons learned he freely admits
Don't mess with where you pee and shit.