Sometimes? You Have No Idea.

Was driving home from Job #2 the other night. My normal route home had a detour, so I detoured since I had no choice. Well, no choice if I eventually wanted to get home. As I drove, I started to compare that detour on my drive to some of the detours my life has taken.

Starting when I was born.

As I was entering the world, I broke my neck. I've been told I screamed like hell for quite awhile and they had no idea what was wrong with me...other than being black and blue from trying to come out neck first. Yeah, I've been stubborn since day one...what else is new?

So I screamed bloody murder continously until one of the Dr's moved my head which must have relieved the pain I was feeling in my neck. Cause once he moved my head, I fell fast asleep.

I was also paralyzed on my left side. I was my parents first child and yeah, they were petrified, Brand new parents that had no idea what was happening.

I was born 13 December and finally came home Christmas Eve. I was in a body cast.

My mom hated my cast with a passion. Hated that her firstborn had a broken neck and was paralyzed. While she was supposed to keep me in the cast pretty much 24/7, she used to tell me that after my Dad left for work she would take me out of the cast since it hurt her so much to see me in it. One day about a month after my birth, my Mom got so frustrated that she threw the cast against the wall. She really hated it!

Then one day in February, soon after I was finally baptized, I moved my left hand. My mom screamed. And eventually, I got more and more movement back on my left side. Call it a miracle, call it what you will, but this was not supposed to happen. I wasn't meant to be born this way and I was never expected to not be paralyzed. Yet, there it was. I was moving. And they finally took me out of the cast.

For something that she hated so very much, my Mom kept the cast.

Six years ago, I liberated the cast from my parent's house. Figured it was mine, I did time in it, so it needed to be with me.

And every now and then I look at it and figure I have to be here on this earth for a reason. Sometimes...actually, a lot of times...I wonder what I am doing here and what is my #1 purpose in life? Have I already accomplished what I was put on earth to do and am I at the point where I am just living out the rest of my days? Or, am I still meant to do something that I was put on earth to do next week, next month, six months from now? 

We've all had bad times in our lives when we question why we are here. Especially when life kicks you in the gut and you wonder just how bad it's gonna get. And you may wonder 'why' life is kicking you in the gut? Are you meant to learn from this? Is it karma coming back to bite you? Or is it something that was meant to happen to you, for whatever cosmic reason may exist.

Going back to my drive home the other night, I reflected on where I am in my life. 8 years ago there was no way I could have imagined I would be where I am now. No way. I really had no idea that 8 years down the road I would be living in another state, single, struggling in one job and happier than I could have imagined working at my part-time job. 

Sounds trite, but you really have no idea which direction life will prod you, pull you or throw you tumbling down the stairs and landing on your ass. You just don't know what will come in the future, even tho you might plan and hope and pray it turns out the 'prescribed' way we all think our lives will play out.

My ah-ha revelation is that I was meant to be at Job #2. The type and timing of the details that brought me to Job #2 are awesome and amazing and while some people might be morose and depressed over having to work two jobs, I am the complete opposite. More like grateful and blessed to have this opportunity.

No matter what life throws at me these days, I'm confident that there's a good reason behind it. Maybe not a reason I can fully grasp or understand, but I've seen enough to know that life isn't random and that if I hang with it long enough, the reason will be revealed to me.

So take a page from my book and remember that what you know as life today might be totally different when tomorrow comes. If you are anything like me, that thought will in turn inspire and terrify you. And hopefully, inspiration will win out.

Comments

[Jen]

I am humbled and amazed. I haven't read anything like this in a long time.

I will remember this post :)

[Howard]

Well, you learn something new about friends every few weeks. HOOO-LEEE CRAP. I guess I'll stop bitching about having to be circumcised twice when I was a baby now. Dang, did I just ruin the mood? :)

Wonderful story.

[Alma]

I'm also as stubborn as a mule. This blog really resonated with me. The last few years have taught me to take each day for what it is and not to think too hard about where and what I'm doing--I still do though...just how I am. But, really, I've learned that I'll get what I need. It may not be what I want--or what I think I need. But I'll get everything eventually, in the way I'm supposed to.

Funny how the things we most think we need are usually the most inconsequential.

[KingofBigWheels]

Awesome post. You learn something new everyday. Inspirational, and just when I was looking for some inspiration.

[hubs]

Great personal insight and inspirational story. Booooo bodycast.

[KC]

Thank you for such a beautiful post.

[frank]

I've never seen the cast. Good post. You shudda been a writer. Or a nun. Sr. Katherine. ;{)

[Di]

I loved reading this. Don't ever throw the cast away.