Hope This Is The Very Last Time

As I'd previously posted, Wednesday was a pretty busy day.

In preparation for the surgery I am having next week, I had a pre-admit appointment at the hospital where my surgery will take place. (Warning- don't click if you are easily grossed out)

I was assigned an RN that seemed very competant as well as very nice. From the get go, she knew what type of surgery I was having. We discussed it while I had my EKG (what?? you never wanted babies??? really??) and while doing the pre-admit paperwork (well even tho I can't have kids my husband and I adopted and it was the best thing we ever did) sent me off to get some bloodwork and when I returned she continued to wax eloquent (oh, being a mom is the highlight of my life).

Yeah. OK. I get it!

I'd been up since 5:30 that day. Hadn't eaten since 9. Rushed thru my day barely making each appointment with no time for lunch. And the last thing I wanted or needed was a lecture on the joys of motherhood from someone that had only known me for 45 minutes and knew nothing of me or what matters to me.

The final straw happened as she went over my pre and post operative care. Then she leaned into me as if to whisper and said ' you know, it's still not too late to change your mind in case you decide you DO want to have kids'.

I was on the verge of tears. Had a migraine. Just wanted to get the hell out of there without pissing her off.

And before I knew it I heard a voice...my voice...saying ' You have got to be fucking kidding me. I made my mind up when I was 8 years old. And re-confirmed it every single day of my life since then. I have never wanted kids. I never want kids. And after next Tuesday, it will be physically impossible to have them. So could we please get on with the paperwork since I really want to leave and you are not helping matters.'

I was out of there in 2 minutes.

I know many of you that read what I write are parents. If it works for you, great. More power to you.

What has pissed me off since grade school is having people tell me that I will change my mind. That if I were to get pregnant, I would change my mind. I just needed to meet the 'right' guy and I would change my mind. No to all three.

Guess what? I never changed my mind.

So after next Tuesday, besides not having to deal with constant pain, periods that last 4 months and sometimes longer, anemia from the periods that last 4 months or longer, backaches and bloating and having your life messed with on a daily basis, I will no longer have to listen to inconsiderate assholes tell me that I will 'change my mind'.

And that will be a very good thing.

Comments

[Little]

And it's not like you can drop the kids off at the kennel when you want to get outta town for a weekend. I mean, really.

[Britgirl]

I wish I could have seen her face. How dare she infer that you don't know your own mind.
Good for you for telling her! It's time we childfree folk told stupid people like her more often exactly what we think of their nosiness and ignorance. And to think this is what we have to put up with on an almost daily basis.
News for parents and those thinking that having decided we don't want kids we will change our minds... we won't.

All the best with your surgery, my dear. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery.

[Legal Goddess]

Although I am one of those "cant wait to be a mom"s, I MORE than applaud people who dont want children, and dont have them. There are too many unloved, unwanted children out there, and it is totally unnecessary to attempt to pressure someone to have kids when they clearly dont want them. Glad you found the courage to stand up to this woman, she needs to get over it!
Although, in her defense, maybe she really cant conceive (hehe, no pun intended) of the fact that someone wouldnt want children, since she obviously struggled through a lot to have hers. But she still should have kept her damn mouth shut.

[Caitlin]

Congrats on finding a doctor on to do your procedure. I know if your search was anything like mine has been so far, the sheer idiocy of some of the things doctors, nurses, and receptionists have said has probably brought you close to tears of frustration or dangerously close to going postal.

I'm a parent, and it just seems strange to me that people get offended because others decide not to have children and make it a permanent choice. Children are no less of a permanent choice. If you made the wrong choice, you won't have to hide your resentment from your sterilization and adoption is always available, but you would have to spend the rest of your life hiding your resentment from a child. I know which side I'd rather err on.

Anyway, hope you have a nice and easy recovery. If I lived out that way, I'd throw you an unbaby shower to celebrate :).

[Jeff C.]

I was going to go on a total diatribe, from the "I have kids" side of things, about how great they are and how they change your life for the better and how they make you see everything in a different light.....then I realized that I feel all the things you wrote about above about people with dogs. Seriously, the number of people who say to me, "You should really get a dog" drives me freakin' crazy! I don't need a dog - I have kids! So I understand where you're coming from. Mostly.

[Legal Goddess]

Oh, and I wanted to also say YAY for no vaginal dryness. The article about your surgery made it abundantly clear that this procedure? No vaginal dryness! Oh! And guess what! You keep your lack of vaginal dryness! Woohoo, lets throw a party!
Seriously though, rock on sister. Without VD. That is vaginal dryness, although I hope you also keep away from venereal disease. That is all.

[hdw]

Yeaaaaah.

I'm really sorry, but the world would be a much happier place I think if more people thought like you, really stopped and thought about a major decision. And good for you for knowing what you wanted, even if all those years ago.

Parenthood isn't for everyone. Kids will kick your ass. They are little feral creatures who ...

Ooooooooh, I should stop now. :)

Love you, and see you on Monday night, my soon-to-not-have-any-uterine-related-woes friend.

Me.

[Kath]

Little - Woof!

Britgirl - Yeah, isn't it funny that CF'ers are always told time and time again that they are 'missing the boat', etc yet no one ever questions the validity or reason of those that blithely have child after child?

LG #1- yeah, from your vantage point with Casa Kids I am sure you will see tons of heartbreaking stories of parents that should not have had kids in the first place. I admire you immensely for what you're doing with YOUR little Casa Kidlet.

LG#2 - EXACTLY! And oh yeah, orgasm sensation. That's supposed to stay the same as well. NICE!

JC- Well maybe you'd change your mind if you had a dog! (hahaha...sorry..couldn't resist :-)...now you know what it feels like from my vantage point!) It's great that you love being a dad and parent in a way that's conducive to raising great kids. Like I said earlier above, more power to you for that. The point I was trying to make in my post was that SOME (not all) parents feel so strongly about their roles as parents that they tell us CF's how we should feel and how we should live...all the while ignoring that we know what's best for us and our need to have a happy child-free life.

Caitlin - I wish you were out here too! You'd really like the rest of the gang that lives out here. I used to live not too far from you (Hampton Roads) and don't miss summer in VA one bit! Thanks for the well-wishes and offer to throw a party. All of us Denver bloggy peeps love us a party!

HDW- Thanks sweetie! I am thinking I will be so excited and hyper Monday night that you just might have to stay up all night with me and have a slumber party. Oh wait. I can't drink past 11. Nevermind. We'll have our slumber party afterwards And maybe we can turn the tables on HDH and gross him out with my surgery pix! xoxoxo

(Yeah, you read that right, everyone else! Asked my Dr if he could take pix of the invaders that have caused my uterus to grow to the size of a 5 month pregnancy. I want to see what those bastards look like since they have wreaked endless havoc over the last 8 yrs!)

[Little]

I've never seen the term "vaginal dryness" appear in a blog this many times before. Thanks LG!

[Katie]

Hi Kath, I enjoy reading your blog, found it through Little. I am a nurse and I really am horrified to know that someone in my profession would be so cold as to speak to you as she did. You might consider registering a complaint, even if it is with your physician, her behavior was inappropriate and should be addressed! Cheers to you for standing up for yourself! I wish you a speedy recovery!

[Stefanie]

After I had my wisdom teeth removed, I awoke to find a little keepsake box on the table next to me with the bloodied remainders of all five - yes, I'm a mutant - of my teeth in it. Pictures say a thousand words, but the ACTUAL NASTY FREAKING THINGS say billions! I'm just saying...

[dottcomments]

Vaginal dryness. Just wanted to repeat that.

Best wishes for an easy procedure and fast and painless recovery.

[Phoena]

Good luck tomorrow! Hope it all goes smoothly!

I'll never understand why people always try to tell us we might change our minds. No one tells a pregnant woman, "You know, it's not too late to have an abortion! You might change your mind and not want kids after all!!" So why is it okay to give us that crap? *shrug*

[Tanya]

Good for you!!! We need more people to stand up for the CFers.

Good luck tomorrow. I hope it all goes well.

[rms]

Hi Kath,

I found you through Britgirl. Good for you for speaking up for yourself! It's totally ridiculous that this nurse felt she could presume so much. Unfortunately it isn't uncommon.

I wish you a fast and easy recovery. I've had a hysterectomy and after I recovered, I felt fantastic! No more periods and no more mood swings. I'd honestly recommend it to any woman!

Also for a really fun take on it, check out the short story "Even the Queen" by Connie Willis.

Cheers again to a safe and speedy recovery,
RMS

[Jen]

Ack, it's not her business! How annoying. Fine with me if someone doesn't want to have kids. Anymore it's just overloading the planet!! :D