A Likely Story!

WTF?

Women who do this are selfish, evil bitches. And that's putting it mildly and politely.

It happens more than you think.

Trust me.

[Update]

I wanted to add a few more thoughts.

It may be considered 'old-fashioned' but to my way of thinking the ONLY way to approach having a child is when it's a thought-out and agreed upon step by two mature adults in a loving, committed relationship.

Otherwise, don't do it. Because when all is said and done, it is the child that will have to suffer for the actions of the selfish parent...in this case, the mother.

One Of Those Nites

* Shoveled snow at night. Just because I felt like it.

* Expressed an honest opinion about something even tho no one will agree with me. S'ok, it's still my opinion.

* Decided a night with peace and quiet is more important than watching tv.

* Am entranced by Flickr tonite

* In a really really pensive mood where I don't feel like talking to anyone

* Realizing that being anal retentive on balancing your financial life is a good thing

* Feeling mentally stronger than I have in ages

That's all I've got for now. Calling it a night.

NNSD.

Happy Birthday To YOU!

To my wonderful sister Diane who for 3 whole weeks is the same age as me.

35 looks stunning on you!

Enjoy and we'll celebrate in person when I come to visit.

Love You!

Hate Is A Pretty Strong Word

But I hate drugs. I do.

FUCKIN' HATE THEM.

Hate how they are addicting.

Hate how they prey on weak people.

Hate that they ruin lives, families, reputations, legacies.

Hate how they drain you.

Hate how they make you wish for the phone to ring to find out if your loved one is dead or alive.

Hate the devastating toll they take on your whole entire family.

Hate how they drain bank accounts and 401(k) accounts and retirement accounts.

Hate how they change your family member.

I hate them, hate them, hate them.

And when I get the eventual call that says the love of my life - my nephew - is dead, I will hate them even more.

Yet ANOTHER Reason Why I Hate George W. Bush

Can't wait until this fucking lunatic is out of office.

Check out his latest Appointment.

WORST. PRESIDENT. EVER.

Giving Thanks...

* For my family and friends that have made such a positive, wonderful impact on my life over the last year

* For having the guts to risk change in order to follow my dream and start a new life in Denver

* For the new friends I have met since I've been here (talking to you, blogger buddies and DL gang)

* For the friendships that have been strengthened by my move...both in FL and here in CO

*For the natural beauty that is Colorado where each sunset is so spectacular that you think it can't get any better and then the next days sunset is so much better than the previous night

* For the faith needed to trust my gut feelings

* For not always getting what I want while still getting what I need

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, wherever and whomever you are.

Yet ANOTHER Survey/Quiz/Whateva

71 Random Questions

1. ONE WISH?
For the test to be negative

2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
Both, depending on the situation.

3. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Nuclear War

4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
Nope

5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF “REALITY” TV?
Not much. Don't watch 'em.

6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
Nope.

7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
Adorable

8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
So far, not too shabby at all!

9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
Apple White

10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
Nope. In my truck, all the time.

11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
Nope.

12. ANY SECRET TALENTS.
But of course!

13. WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
Colorado

14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
Not as funny as Jon Stewart

15. CAN YOU SWIM?
Yep

16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE “DONNIE DARKO”?
20 times minimum.

17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
Yep.

18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?
I usually wind up biting after 3 or 4 licks

19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
Not even.

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
Get real. Yep.

21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
Not even close...oldest of 5

22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENERS?
Hate pencils, never use them.

23. WHAT’S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
As long as you give the animals guns, it's fine with me.

24. IS THERE MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
Sorta kinda doubt it. Been there, done that. Single is better.

25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Printing is decent when I'm not in a hurry.

26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Shellfish, Bees/Wasps, Penicillin (sp?)and all by-products

28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
Elvis Costello is the only Elvis that matters!

29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
Nope.

30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Scrambled

31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
Only the dumb ones

32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
I never lose my socks.

33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
Your time

34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Kath, Meece, and my buddy Travis calls me Denise Renee- have no idea why

35. IS MCDONALD’S DISGUSTING?
Have been McDonald's-free since Jan '06

36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
8:10 this evening

37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
Showers.

38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
Yes, Virginia

39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Depends on who's doing the kissing

40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
Nope.

41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Sleep. And the internet.

42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
Crunchity Crunch

43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
Yep

44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
Nope.

45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
Three

46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
For me, yes.

47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
Oh yeah.

48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
Green

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
Love it

51. LIQUOR OR BEER?
BOTH!!

52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
Scarily so at times.

53. HAVE YOU READ “CATCHER IN THE RYE”?
In high school.

54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
Bass drum in HS marching and concert band. No band camp stories, tho.

55. HAVE U EVER STOLEN MONEY?
Never ever.

56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
We'll find out soon enough

57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
As long as we can bring along a generator for the blender for the margaritas

58. DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?
If it's funny enough

59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
Yes

60. ARE DOGS A MAN’S BEST FRIEND?
Most definitely

61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
When you've reached the end of the road, it can be a blessing in disguise.

62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
Wouldn't even try

63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
Oh for sure

64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
Brisk

65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Leftover Mac & Cheese

66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
Nope

67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
Yep

68. WHAT’S THE MOST ANNOYING COMMERCIAL?
The Volvo commercial where the little girl WILL NOT SHUT UP! And she is dressed funny, too.

69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
Nope

70. DO YOU SNORE?
When I've been drinking

71. FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
30 Seconds To Mars 'From Yesterday'. It's great to scream along to.

OK, now who to tag??

The Chic from TX. The Homebrewer from DE. The Law Student from LA.

One lurker.

And 3 Denver Bloggers of your choice!

LiveBlogging The Mokey's Uncle

7:29 - Howard warms up the audience...what's all this shit about nouns and adjectives?

7:30 - Still trying to warm up the audience

7:31 Kyle shouts a number...80

7:31 The audience is starting to respond

7:32 - Now the fun starts...Howard starts...OMG...he is talking about LIVE BLOGGING...eek!!

7:33 - Being single apparently includes donkeys...who knew?? $89 to fix midgets? showing off monkey bars? cry cause your taint never came by? feeling warm and cool but oh yeah...he has an icky nose!

7:35 - ok , time to drink more beer!

(drinking interlude while HDW calls Heather to see where she is!)

(more drinking)

(HDW takes a pix of me wearing 3-D glasses)

Another segment starts.

Blonde Tina look-a-like and biker find an android!

Love and Androids?? Not so much!

Ohhh...a Jewish spy! Oy vey!

Kreplach...baked, not fried!

Mateo- Big Town Girl

Matt2- Hacker

Larry - Hyme Bond

Howard - Android

(Break. Heather is here!! Yay!!)

5th Year Anniversary for Monkey's Uncle!

New ditty? Nude Itty? Huh??

Howard puts his hands in his pockets cause he's NERVOUS!

A straight priest skit.

Larry has the key word of the skit!

Larry is stealing the show and HDW's face hurts from laughing!

Heather and HDW get shushed by Howard. Howard is King (Monkey). We must obey!

He needs a letter.

X is the letter.

Boy meets gopher.

The gopher loves an Xbox. Gopher ate the Xbox last time he played with it. But donuts are nicer..even tho they cause turds. Matt2 character loves Harriet. They run off to Target and live happily ever after.

Lovely Larry time. Ooh, we can't wait.

Rabbi Morty Baker

PTL- Pass the Lox...first Evangelical TV Show

The game is Jewish? Or Gay?

So far we are 4 for 4

Cute skit!

Klezmer music rocks!

Ooh...new game time!!

3 D glasses time!! Yay!!

Disasterpiece Theatre

Tulips are attacking the earth

They're heading fior Nebraska

Ahhh...the Monkeys ran into the audience...we are now wearingg our 3 d glasses

KEV AND ROSIE ARE HERE!!

YAY K&R!!!!

Talking about a Howard Blog post...Cold War Television

Kyle shouts out Cheers!

AKA Cheerski

Larry is Samski

Howard is Dianski and he wants to plant his seed in Samski...what else is new??

Matt2 is Normski!

Cliffski arrives!

A member of the protelariat

Cliffski is walking talking Wikipedia

Coachski on the scene

Uh oh...fortelling...Coachski is going byebye

Woodsky arrives!

Cliffsjki quotes Vinny Barbarino

Rebecca...Jenny Craig called...she said said STOP IT!!

Desert Island skit

Asking people in the back how they are feeling

WONDERFUL

Others shout hormonal

Wonderful / Hormonal/ Sucky

A place you would never take your grandma unless they paid her $20

7-11

I LOVE NACHOS!! I would just BATHE in that cheese

Uh oh...he gets hormonal

I CAME IN FOR SOME FUCKING NACHOS!!!!!!!!

OHHH..how WONDEFUL are the NACHOS!

God it sucks to bloat. I feel greasy!

My ovaries hurt.

(edit...not my own personal ovaries, hmmkay>>)

Ovary removal at 7-11!

I need mace.

OMG i'm 5'9'

Stupid bitch...I love you!!

Professor Smartypants knows everything about science...he used to work at Chernobyl...he used to push the yellow button...

What is faster? A tiger shark or an Afircan Swallow??

This answer is so convoluted you have to be here to believe it/

If everything evolves, why is there Arkansas??

They do not know how to pronounce their name. And they said Damn you Darwin, we will stop evolving.

What would happen if you walked into a black hole??

Samuel Becket invented black hole in 1973. There is a lot more closet space.

What is the coolest thing about being professor Smartypants?

GROUPIES!!!

Hangs out at Bill Nye the science guy conventions.

Why do priests, nuns and rabbi's walk into bars so often??

Again...you would have to be hear to fully grasp the complexity of the answer.

Children of the 70's and 80's in da house??

A Little After School Special

Bad Cafeteria Food

You're on the free lunch program cause you're poor!

Ewwww...a sloppy joe and you have to eat it.

Topped off with carrot sticks.

The coach wants everyone to try out for golf.

Not eatin' the bologney squares

You're all communists and I hate you!

Calling an all school assembly

Cafetria Food and It's Impact on Your Ever changing Anatomy

Matt2's character is lecturing!

Free food is nasty from Howard's character

Mateo is Becky and he says we don't have to eat cafeteria food if we don't want to. We don't have to take this. We are chanting ' We don't have to take this'.

I just want hummus!

Then move to Boulder you fuckin hippie!

Next week...Lesbian Gym Teachers!

Teenage Girl from the future that is HDW's daughter!

White Alabaster skin...HDW goes to Greenland to get a tan

My brother gets to sleep in a box and graduate in a year

I can't believe they locked out the camera codes..

Only poor people golf!

Anyone who is anyone has already hosted a cybercliche on MySpace

Let's go water the plants...my mom is so dumb..they are holographic plants...she still eats!

My mom named me Melissa..

My WWE...Worse Enemy Ever

We're gonna get iPod cerebral implants

Sugars's been banned

My mom is totally totally totaly cool cause she gave me this klog...why GAM?? No one dirbnks alcohol anymore unless you are homeless or an improv comedian!!

(Break)

These guys love nouns

Toaster, Poster, Chicken, Post-It, Syphon, Blog, Sqyuidm Hoola Hoop, Corderoy (sp>)
Rollerskate

101 Post It notes walk into a bar...we just wanted some scotch

101 Post It notes walk into a bar...the bartender says we don;t serve you here...the post it notes say ' Can we stick around'??

101 Baterium walk into a bar...the bartender says 'we don't serve you here...they say ' we bring you culture.

101 Blogs walk into a bar...the barender says we can't serve you here ...the blogs say no comment

101 teenaged Squid walk into a bar...the bartender says we don't serve you here...the squid say ok , well go the Mollusk

Battery and free WiFi about to end.

Will summarize as long as I can...and spelling will be corrected later tonite.

Thong vs Brief

Larry is for briefs

Mateo is for thongs

'Skid marks all over America's good name'??

'I sense a coverup'

A lighter approach would work.

Grandmother demographic has been plagued by VPL all these years

The audience is bulging with curiosity

I am absolutely against banana hammocks at any time

Wedgies and thongs are a terrible thing to waste

(break)

On Your Mark, Get Set,

BLOG!!!

Watch this space as live-blogging will be commencing soon. After HDW and I have chowed down on some yummy BBQ and strolled over to Jazz at Jacks to watch the one, the only, the ever as it is and ever shall be forever and ever amen MONKEY'S UNCLE troop de la comedy.

I bet you are soooooo freakin' jealous that you don't get to be here with us in Denver. Yeah, we feel your pain.

But never fear boys and chicks, pix will be taken so you can have the Denvery Bloggery Monkey experience from where ever you roam or call home.

For now, BBQ calls and HDW and I must answer.

Just Sittin' Here

Twiddling my thumbs, checking the internet, just hanging out in my home office.

Our servers in FL crashed about 55 minutes ago. I've been trying to re-connect every 10 minutes to no avail.

So....started a load of laundry, made my bed, caught up on some blogs, just killing time while trying to reconnect. Our other office in MA said they would call when we are all back up so I'm just sitting here waiting for the phone to ring.

Anyone wanna chat, now's the time to jump on Gmail chat :-)